All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
