my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
