Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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