just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
