Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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