sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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