At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
