I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
