Sry I called you an 8
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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