he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
