It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
