i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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