I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
