Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
