you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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