You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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