she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
