How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
