Having a random hookup so left but love u
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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