I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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