apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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