i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize