used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
