Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
