I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
