Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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