If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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