he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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