so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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