I want to stick my p in your. b.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Two words: blizzard sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
