She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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