Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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