i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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