Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
