pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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