You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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