I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Drake has all the answers
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