i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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