never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
