I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
