a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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