i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
