i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
