The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My vagina is officially offended.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
