Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
