$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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