We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
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That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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