If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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