Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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