so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
