I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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