Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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