i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
