I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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