Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
