my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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