I accidentally had phone sex last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
