Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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