I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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