The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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