Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
