my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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